The Highest Station of Love…

I came across this reel on Insta, last Ramadan, of this Muslim sister who was briefly giving her commentary on the ‘hyper-obsession’ of getting married amongst young Muslims.

She theorised that this hyper obsession is a distraction from the shaytaan. This is because, it is not uncommon that ones psyche become consumed by the stress and desperation to find a spouse and check the box of marriage before a certain age, and consequently this is elevated over our obligations as Muslims.

On one hand, I can understand the preoccupation of thoughts of marriage amongst Muslim youth. I think that it is a part of a natural inclination and desire for a spouse as Allah created us in pairs and this is the natural state and the arrangement of the people in paradise (may Allah make us amongst them).

But I do agree with the fact that when the pursuit for marriage becomes an obsession and consumes your thoughts, and your life starts to centre around the ideal of getting married, then this is a distraction away from Allah. It’s not that people should abandon the pursuit for getting married (which is not what she was saying), but our hearts have to be oriented correctly as Muslims, where Allah is at the centre of our hearts.

I do sense that there is some idolisation of the idea of marriage and romantic love within the Muslim youth, because the prospect/ outcome of whether or not people get married lords over them and this is a shackle. It’s a shackle because it dictates their perceived value, wellbeing, happiness and idea of ‘success’. Consequently, what ensues is prioritisation of this pursuit over actual fundamental and obligatory practices as Muslims, which should take priority. Hence, we take less heed in bettering ourselves as Muslims for Allah, working on sculpting our character, increasing in sincerity, learning more about Allah and Rasul (SAW), and instead have our gaze on being united with a spouse as our priority.

As Muslims, we believe that attaining a good relationship with Allah, pleasing Him and worshipping Him is our top priority, the purpose of life. We believe that He puts in us and on this earth any love that we experience because He is the source of all love. He is our no. 1 priority above all else, the most worthy of our attention and admiration. So, is it not logical to say that He is the most worthy of our love? That, unparalleled to anything else, the highest station of love is to love Him, truly, sincerely, boundlessly? He already loves us more than we could ever realise or comprehend, but for us, we are in a state of loss, we are lacking, our souls our deprived.

In other words, loving Allah, truly experiencing this love over anything else is the highest station of love one can experience. But today, widespread, there seems to be a Ghafla of this reality, and instead people are putting acquiring romantic love on the pedestal of the pinnacle of human experience and aspirations. Subtle but crucial to be aware of this.

Our loftiest Dua’s should be about acquiring Allah’s love and loving Him boundlessly and being in receipt of His love boundlessly. And when we orient ourselves correctly in truly centring our lives around Allah, He takes care of all of our affairs.

It is possible to place Allah in our hearts, prioritise becoming a better Muslim, working to secure our Akirah, and at the same time making Dua and being proactive in looking for a spouse, taking positive action where you can and trusting Allah on the rest of what you can’t control. But the crucial point is that the pursuit of looking for a spouse- or anything for that matter, does not replace the sacred position which Allah rightfully holds as the One who is our Lord.